Dealing with Difficult People
We’ve all had them in our lives at one time or another. Perhaps you have some in your life right now. Who are these people?
These are the people that rub you the wrong way. The people that drain your energy. The people that you have to “prepare yourself” to interact with. The people that are basically plucking that last nerve. They are the difficult people in your life.
If you can think of a few people that fall into this category, it’s time to consider dealing with the situation once and for all. Whether they are friends, family members, co-workers, or your boss, you can follow the steps below and take control of the situation.
Decide if this person has to be in your life. Many times we allow people to continue to drain our energy, steal our joy, and stress us out when we have the power to decide if we want to interact with them. Eliminating a relationship is never easy - but eliminating a toxic relationship is necessary. If you decide to end the relationship, be firm in your decision. Depending on the relationship, you may be able to just fade away. For those that require a conversation, be as honest as you feel is appropriate when ending the relationship.
If the person has to be in your life, establish boundaries. You might not be able to cut off your mother-in-law, a coworker, or your boss, but you can decide the boundaries that will dictate the nature of the relationship. Write down what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate. Perhaps you won’t tolerate being spoken to rudely. Maybe you won’t be made to feel guilty when you don’t do what they want you to do. Or maybe you will no longer put their needs before your needs. Whatever the boundaries are, be clear about them and again, write them down.
Communicate those boundaries to the difficult person. This is where it usually falls apart for people. Having difficult conversations is almost as worse as dealing with the difficult person. But it has to be done. You have to take your list and let that person know that the dynamics of the relationship must change. If they are truly interested in you and care about you, they will listen and work to adjust themselves to make the relationship better. If not, then you must let them know that while you can’t be completely out of their life, your interactions with them will be as limited as possible. Your peace, sanity, and joy will take precedent over being in their presence from this point forward.
Stand your ground. Now that you’ve cut some people out of your life and/or set boundaries, stand strong in your decision. It will be difficult for you at first, but continue to remind yourself of the reasons for your decision.
Dealing with conflict and confrontation is one of the most difficult things for people to do. Fortunately, I’ve been able to help many people effectively manage conflict and have difficult conversations. I encourage you to follow the steps above and take on the difficult people in your life.
Sincerely,
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