Pearls of Wisdom

TWENTY IMPORTANT POINTS ON PSYCHOLOGICAL COMPLEMENTARIES IN MARRIAGE

1. In marriage, for man, woman is a need, and for woman, man is security.

2. A man is attracted to a woman when the woman makes him to feel masculine; similarly, a woman is attracted to a man when the man’s presence makes her feel feminine.

3. Attraction for utilization is the motto of womanhood, and impress to achieve is the goal of manhood.

4. Man expects physiological and psychological care with personal attention from his woman, whereas woman expects emotional and psychological care from her man to possess him for protection and security.

5. Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed, and women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.

6. For man, first physiological needs are to be satisfied in sex, then only he turns to emotional needs; whereas for women, first her emotional needs are to be satisfied then only she can turn to her physiological needs: that means man feels his own feminine after his male’s is satiated, similarly woman feels her own masculine after her female’s is satiated.

7. In any inter-personal interaction, other than verbal, in marriage, he is active but she is receptive; she being fulfilled, he is fulfilling.

8. Even in the interpersonal relationship in marriage, man’s priority is to achieve his goal, whereas woman’s priority is the importance of their relationship.

9. The six different kinds of emotional support for love in marriage are: -

(i) She needs caring, he needs trust.

(ii) She needs understanding, he needs acceptance.

(iii) She needs respect, he needs appreciation.

(iv) She needs devotion, he needs admiration.

(v) She needs validation, he needs approval.

(vi) She needs reassurance, he needs encouragement.

10. In any inter-verbal interaction between couple, if wife is overwhelmed husband tries to advice with solutions, or mistakenly tries to defend himself; so also, in the pensive mood of husband the wife tries to improve him.

11. Woman’s communication is for sharing, but man’s is solving.

12. Woman’s thinking is expanding but man’s is purpose-oriented, similarly their talking also prevails.

13. A Woman’s attitude is empathetic, whereas a man’s is self-oriented.

14. (a) In a relationship, woman expands to serve the needs of others, whereas man contracts to build focusing and self-absorption. Man has focused awareness and feminine has open-awareness.

(b) In an irk-some position, because of open-awareness, women tent to blame themselves first and due to focused awareness men to blame others first.

15. In stress and tension: -

(a) Man needs solutions for which man goes to his cave and woman likes to share in a non- focused way.

(b) Men increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved. He feels better by solving the problems and she feels better by talking about the problems.

(c) A man needs time and space to find objective solutions, so he becomes increasingly focused and withdrawn; whereas a woman needs time and attention to find her subjective solution, hence she becomes increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved.

16. When a man is upset, he wants to be alone; whereas, if a woman is upset, she needs companionship and love.

17. In a serious situation, man thinks and processes lonely, tests his outcomes outside, reassesses them on account of reactions and arrives at the solution; whereas woman thinks and processes loudly to tap her intuition.

18. In marriage, man wants the right to be free, expects to be allowed for his own privacy; whereas woman wants the right to be upset, and expects to be understood.

19. Woman involves others for her decision-making, but man only consults in his decision-making.

20. Men like rubber-bands suddenly pulls away, distances himself and comes back on his own; whereas, a woman’s self-esteem, like waves, rises and falls, and it hits bottom for emotional house-cleaning.

TEN REASONS FOR PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE

1. Dissatisfaction, in satiation, irritation and hurt, and establishing of such negative attributes in marital relationship.

2. Improper communication, misunderstanding and allowing the accumulation, or suppression, of resentments

3. Disrespect for the other’s individuality, disregard for the other’s values and too much possessiveness.

4. One’s hurting-egoism, selfishness over common-interest, and domination over the other’s individuality

5. Ignorance of difference in natural attitudes and approaches between the two genders

6. Ignorance, or not caring, of the other’s primary needs of love.

7. Incompatible, or uncompromised, differences in perceptions, preferences and approaches, and widely differing value systems.

8. Nurturing the other in his own way; serving the other in his own point of view of the other, and expecting the other in his own point of view and values.

9. The unwarranted intervention, or disregard, during the other’s natural psychological reactions, unique to the gender.

10. Lack of expected role-play, and the difference between the expectations on account of one’s personal values and the reality

TEN REASONS FOR CONFLICTS IN MARRIAGE

1. Attack on identity.

2. Lack of satisfaction, or satiation.

3. Misunderstanding and communication gap.

4. Vicious Circle: - Disagreement, or misunderstanding, leads to feeling attacked and finally this leads to counter-attack.

5. Lack of understanding and support during one’s emotions: rubbing the spouse with negative attitude during the mood.

6. Non-performance of duties and non-fulfillment of responsibilities: instead of accepting mistake defending the mistake.

7. Difference perceptions on priorities and lack of handling the issue jointly.

8. Lack of uncritical humour, fun and frolic in their privacy.

9. Arguments: - Arguments usually occur on account of (1) vague statements; (2) Request in a negative way; (3) not listening or not trying to understand; (4) giving importance to ego than mutuality, or common interest.

10. Adhering to instigating attitudes.

TEN REASONS FOR CRISIS IN MARRIAGE

1. Tension on account of lack of trust, or faith

2. Misunderstanding the meaning in communication of the partner due to ignorance of the natural difference in the other gender’s communicational approach

3. Stress, rigidity and suspicion.

4. Wife doesn’t like her man to be: - untrusting, condemning, uncaring, too much dependent on her, irresponsible, insensitive, impulsive, unkind, thoughtless, unloving, too offending, critical, and rejecting.

5. Husband doesn’t like his woman to: lazy around the house, unattractive, sexually cold, emotionally serious, noisy, sneaky, overtly critical, quarrelsome, bad mother, inflexible, too independent and bold, disrespected nagging, negative to his relatives, too dominating and too emotional.

6. Clash between their personal values.

7. Lack of adjustment, flexibility, and adaptability in the interest of marriage, or family.

8. Expectation of (one sided parental) affection instead of (mutual) love in marriage.

9. Non-adhering to socio-martial values.

10. Criticizing coercing, coaxing, evaluation, masking, blaming, and accusing are the psychological axe, which hut the feelings.

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